...and if I did not have you at hello, I'll sure as fuck have you with a title like that. Life is sickly sweet like that, something that draws your attention is usually something you absolutely hate, such as my title, or my face. How often is it that you actually notice something that makes you happy, spending days telling all your friends about it in school girl gossip mode, how long has it been?

I couldn't tell you, and honestly enough, I'm not sure I want too...
because you'll just point and laugh at me, make fun of the way I think, and the things I actually enjoy in life. They are not funny. They are not ironic, or sickly sweet.
Would I do this because I was asked to participate by receiving an award? ...Yeah, actually, and that's my only good reason to... so here by request from Debbie Does Drivel are six random things, in no particular order what so ever, that would or do make me happy.

#1. Genocide.
...I'm not saying I want the action of the Holocaust to come forth and crush the dreams of man by stuffing himself down a blazing inferno just to save his soon to be mutilated offspring , no... no... no... nothing quite that dramatic. I am simply referring to an intellectual level of substance. The gene pool is becoming more, and more shallow everyday... it's time to start defining who exactly can procreate before man's next generation of offspring become abominable cement mixing rednecks with 3 good teeth.
Fuck. Never mind... we are already at that stage. As if to say "bring on the Holocaust", I will now smash my face into my desk, repeatedly...

#2. Sex.
...at any hour of the day, whenever I feel like it. End of discussion.

#3. A bathroom sink that does NOT clog.
...there's just something very inelegant about watching your toothpaste-backwash-phlegm-wad of bubbles floating around the granite for 3 long -holy shit! I'm gonna be late for work- minutes before you can usher that disgusting blob of foam down the drain with a blast of hot water.

On a side note... I think *Drano will be my next "angry consumer" plug.

#4. Comments.
...comments make me happy. It's like the at home version of Jeopardy you can actually win, and feel good about. I don't like my readers to upstage my mundane writing, which they always do, but at least that gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling of happiness to know "someone", other than me, is reading this shit. I'm becoming an addict... Now comment on my stuff, Jerks!

#5. A ranch dressing "easy squeezy" bottle that actually works.
...and don't fucking act like you don't know what I'm talking about. You know the one! The bottle that's 3/4's full, but for some miscalculation of air pressure multiplied by weight of the product you now get that fervent explosion of white tangy goodness when you squeeze it.

The same bottle that you know is going to explode on your plate like some mutant with an intense gastrointestinal problem that will evacuate the entire contents of the bottle right there. So you just barely squeeze the bottle, and nothing happens. You repeat this several times before finally giving in to the hunger boiling within you for whatever happens to be sitting on your plate, and you grip that damn bottle with both hands.

PFFFFHFHFHFHTHT. yeah... THAT bottle.

#6. Legos.
...Yes!! the little blocks that stick together, the ones you have to pry apart with your teeth, or rip your fingernails away to separate. The same little blocks that were driven to extinction back in 89' because of the Hoover administrative campaign for a clean home.

Yeah, I like to lay on the floor and play with those things for hours after Mr. 4 and Mr. 7 have gone to bed. It brings me great joy to see their faces light up when I have built a firehouse or hospital for them to play with for 8 minutes. It brings me even more joy to see them rip apart my hard work to just throw the fucking things in a box and stuff it in the closet.
Love it!! Love those damn blocks... they take me to my childhood, not that I ever left, but that's where I go.


I'd like to thank Debbie for the "KREATIVE AWARD"...
I'd also like to throw a "shout-out" to Just A Girl for the "I *heart* YOUR BLOG" award I received ages ago... and have been WAYYYYY to lazy to do anything about...

Thanks ladies..