I've been getting pushed, and poked, and gently prodded to pick up where I left off with my blogging. It just seems more simple to read someone's blog than to remember why I started doing this in the first place.

I sit here wondering... is it really as simple as remembering how to ride a bike? Has the balance always been waiting there with the motions? Will my grasp on the handle bars of life take the same veiw on reality I once had? I don't suppose a lengthy hiatus really changes a person, at least not their cynical views and sarcastic bite, so here goes nothing...

....and I continue to sit here, debating on what kind of story I want to unleash. Should I carry on about how Halloween went? How the boys and I got through 4 houses before the eternal whine-fest began? Nah... it doesn't seem right to just jump into yesterday like I've been blogging this whole time. Damn. I almost feel like I've been out whoring around with someone else and I've just now realized how good I had it. That awkward fumbling of trying to come back...

Still sitting here.... scratching my head, looking for the right topic to banter on about. Searching for that funny glimmer, that shroud of quirkiness that covers the demon within...

Should I go on about how Mr. 9 is doing, how we've progressed with the medicated lifestyle, or how about how Mr. 6 is literally missing his two front teeth? I could discuss how the non-smoking is continuing, and lie about how I've gained 2 pounds when in reality it's closer to 10. I could drum on about the addition of pets and how the drooling doggies are murdering bandits that mutilated the gerbils.

So much stuff to go on about, and yet for the last year or so my lazy, fat ass has refused to do it.
Well... "new year, new battery, Edna!" ....time to fire up the internet machines and get back in the swing of things.

Holy shit man! pull your head out of the sand and breathe for the love of barbie dolls in Afghanistan, what in the fuck have you been doing with yourself?

Well, I can assure all of you, that I have finally succumbed to the ridiculous nature that is my own ruin. Yes, yes... I have finally cracked, covered myself in fat free chocolate pudding, and lit my love seat on fire just to save some poor child from Ethiopia with a hair--erm... cleft pallet.

Yesterday I received a flier in the mail notifying me I could save one of those unfortunate children for a beyond reasonable rate of 24$ a month, and then I turned the thing over and damn near screamed. Have you seen this flier? Its like a poster for the rejected cast members of The Hills Have Eyes. How do these people sleep at night? I have an eight year old boy that delivers my mail to me, imagine the nightmares I would have to correct if that article of soul selling reached his eyes? He may never want to buy those wax teeth ever again!

Okay... so I obviously suck at updating the blog stuff while I'm in the midst of life changing business, and for those of you that have no fucking idea about what I'm talking about lemme tell ya... moving sucks.

Four long, miserable days of traveling in a 26' cargo truck. Overheating, steep grades, family bickering, and crappy food damn near brought me to my knees. It was a long and hard venture, and it fucking sucked like a toothless whore on a sweaty motel mattress.

...and now that I'm here, it still sucks. We arrived last Thursday and I've unpacked, rehung, fixed, repacked, unloaded, pushed, pulled and crammed stuff everywhere. I'm sunburned, every joint I have aches, and all I can think of at every waking moment is... sex. So there you have it, nothing's changed.

I'm still an ex-smoker, which is ridiculously fucking awesome. I've saved over three hundred dollars and I have already purchased myself a little gift.
Meet Marley...

Marley is a 1 year old rottweiler, pit bull mix that I picked up from a rescue shelter. She is the epitome of what I call a beautiful dog. I'll try to get a picture of her smiling up as soon as I can. I've had her for over three weeks now and she reminds me of that Hanks movie, Turner and Hooch. There is slob... EVERYWHERE.

It's not that I haven't tried to blog, it's just that I haven't really felt creative enough to finish a fucking post. So here's a completely random update on the shit going on in my life.

I quit smoking. It's been over two weeks, and yes... every so often I have a craving to go mug someone and steal a Marlboro, but other than that I'm on top of the world. I let go of the nicotine and the dependency all by my damn self. I'm not upset that I quit, but I am a little angry that I didn't quit sooner.

I'm sick, I have a sinus infection, and the medication the doctor prescribed is kicking my ass. I'm in my third day of practice to be the worlds dumbest zombie, I'm thrilled that I only have 2 more pills to take. I would express my happiness with you, but I'm afraid energy exertion spent on my mouth would mean my eyelids will seal shut. This is probably why there is a 3 inch pool of slob on my desk. I can't stop drooling.
Medicine-head sucks and I can't feel my face.

Mr. 5 has fractured his arm but that news wasn't nearly as exciting as finding him in the midst of a bleeding fit. "Oh my, what happened?" you ask...

Orally fixated children like to place any random object in their mouths, this includes clothing; somebody's old, chewed up, flavorless gum; and possibly the handle of a baseball bat that he proceeded to swing at things with. Of course, all children realize there rational thinking isn't such a good idea AFTER they've injured themselves. So bleeding all over the kitchen floor in an uncontrollable fit of tears is the only possible way to inform the world that an awful decision was made. That tendon that's under the tongue, yeah.. it doesn't really care for bunt plays near the swing set.

And finally, the plans to move are finally set in concrete. In four weeks you should expect to see me posting irrational bitch fests about having to load a Uhaul trailer, or possibly unload the trailer, or complain about something else completely unrelated to moving. In any case... Tucson, here I come. I'm so terribly excited, if only I could feel my face.

Today my thinking is getting back to where it should be. I don't feel like such a space cadet. In fact, I felt awesome when I woke up this morning, despite not getting much sleep. My sleep pattern is seriously screwed. I wake up every hour or every two hours, and I sit there for what seems like an eternity before I realize that I am actually awake.

Still have the chills today, but the itching is gone. The irritability is gone. The anger is gone, I feel great. I haven't done much thinking about smoking, I really haven't had much for cravings either. I think today marks the downhill section of the race to quit.

I have noticed my appetite has increased quite a bit. I've loaded my desk with sunflower seeds, gum, and carrots to curb my desire to eat. I have to remind myself that getting over the nicotine addiction doesn't give me an excuse to start some sort of food addiction. Judging by the way I used to smoke if I don't get the eating under control I'll be the size of a small blimp within weeks!