I seriously hate my job. It’s really not that I hate what I do or who I work with, but I can’t stand being bored or unmotivated… and I am constantly unchallenged. So in retaliation for my lack of brain stimulation… I don’t do a damn thing work related all day long. Well, not unless I absolutely have to. I work in the “materials” department… I’m an inventory analyst (and yes, this is only my day job… I actually do have a better job; it just doesn’t pay as consistently… and NO, I’m not a drug dealer!)

My boss is a stubborn nugget I like to call Kev-O, (I’ll bet you’ll never guess what his real name is) and he appreciates the humor I bring to our department, he just doesn’t show it. I know behind those wiry glasses his eyes are actually beaming with joy instead of the WTF-is-the-matter-with-you glare I normally see.

Kev-O: “We’d like you to pick up some of the slack in shipping, how much time can you donate, couple hours, half days, how much?”

Orion: “I am flattered! Really I am, but I cannot accept this wonderful gift… (With snood face) I won’t allow it!”

Kev-O, walking away: “Perfect… half days it is, and help yourself to a donut…”

Orion, shouting: “Why, so we can both be fat!?”

I also share the “materials” department with 2 purchasing agents, Dale and Melissa. I am the immature, unconventional, brat of the group… Melissa is over 6 feet tall… and she’s unnaturally blond, Dale is of the same height, accept he’s not blond, nor is he trying to be. I’m the only one in my department that is not over 6 foot… but I take pride in conjuring up “tall” jokes, or any other verbal darts for that matter.

Melissa: “Good morning O.”

Orion, smugly: “Good morning Melissa" I pause briefly to access the situation and decide clothing is subject for today. "What the hell are you wearing today?!”

Melissa: “Why? What’s wrong with my outfit?” she proclaims and she stretches out the fabric of her light blue checkered shirt that's almost, but not quite too small.

Orion: “It looks like a picnic basket threw up all over you.”

We have a special relationship, Melissa and I… I make fun of her clothes, hair, height, weight, anything really that constitutes a potentially hostile environment and she, and well… she takes it rather well with insulting jabs of her own on occasion. But not today, nope… because nobody is here! No Dale, no Melissa, and no Kev-O… not even Kristen the annoying bimbo 2 cubes down.

Hate my job. I hate my job. I…