There’s a certain cord of oddness that is struck in me when I am outdone. I would say it’s more like envy or spite… but that makes me sound so… so… unsportsmanlike.
(I can’t believe that’s even a word… it’s stupid like fork. Seriously, who makes this shit up? I mean toaster is one thing, but fork? Haha, butt-fork.)
Help me, please. I’d like to grow up now!
Back to the growing up thing… when do we get over that feeling of anger when someone has bettered us at what we consider our own game?

I play soccer in the backyard with the boys, it’s usually a pretty fun experience for all of us…
I never taunt them… instead I run circles around them, but allow slight opportunities for them to win. When my competitive spirit takes over, assuming my lungs haven’t collapsed from the irregular exercise, I begin to push and shove my way to glory. A hip check is usually all it takes to liven up the 4-yr-old into a healthy competition, and if 6-yr-old isn’t crying about how “he never wins anything!” he’s rather competitive and fun too.

Now let’s take a look at the options I have when 6-yr-old takes advantage of my winded predicament, slips the ball past to score, and begins the “nee neer nee neer” taunting
Should I…
A. Applaud and cheer approvingly like “mom” is then add eye roll and tongue face when she isn’t looking.
B. Critique on how he cheated and plot to trip him next time around.
C. Bite tongue and kick the ball directly at 6-yr-old’s head.

And if you picked C because you like standing there looking like an asshole for the neighbors while “mom” consoles the little jerk guy, then you’re just like me! Or maybe you just kicked it to hear that funny sound it made on contact… or maybe you picked a completely different answer and I look even more like an asshole. In any case… when do I grow up, and move on from these stages?

If this doesn’t stop I have a feeling I’ll end up in the “raisin ranch” racing nurses in my wheel chair to see who can dump out the bedpan first. Now there’s something to look forward to… “Tuesday night in Timmy’s room we are having the 4^th annual catheter crawl races!” And God only knows what the consequences will be for the cheating bitch poor nurse that beats me.