Over the past, lets say... 10 years, I've learned that my body will not function properly without an abundant dose of caffeine. My taste buds have rejected any and all coffees, so I have a severe addiction to Mt. Dew... And yes, by "severe addiction" I do mean suffering from psychotic episodes of withdrawals without it. My dentist has recommended I quit drinking Mt. Dew. Something about my teeth falling out of my head if I don't... I couldn't really hear her over that drilling noise. Stupid cavities.

Perhaps... I could go as far as calling it an affliction.


Let me paint you a picture... I'll be using pastel watercolors, and a number 4-fan brush.
(Did you ever do that as a kid...err... even now?? Sit with a few friends, get completely bowled out with whatever "Shwag" weed you could find for less than 20 bucks, and watch Bob Ross until the munchies forced your heard of laughing hyenas into the kitchen? ...ahh yes, the good ...what??! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! NO!! Dude, HAHAHAHAHAHA ...he said "stroke" HAHAHAHAHAHA)

A few months ago when we first noticed I was beginning to look like I should be entering my second trimester, I dove into education of healthier eating and weight loss. I came to the conclusion that I should "wean" myself off of soda pop. It seemed like the perfect solution at the time, I would drop that water weight, and it could actually help me kick-off a healthier physical routine. And, yes... by "physical" I mean something other than the extra effort and grunting when the dishwasher is over loaded with pots and pans, making it more difficult to move.

Day 1: Urge to grab Mt. Dew from fridge was overwhelming. Try again tomorrow.

Day 2: "Hey! Who put this padlock on the fridge?!?!?!" Give puppy eyes. Roll eyes and storm off. Wear sunglasses to work, even though the sun has yet to rise. Stop at the gas station before arrival, purchase 1.2 gallons of gasoline and 2 bottles of Mt. Dew for 10$. Try again tomorrow.

Day 3: Wear sunglasses to work again. Discover credit cards, check cards, and checkbooks are missing. Begin shaking with anger. Go to work. Stop shaking with anger. Notice onset of what seems to be a migraine. Dig through desk looking for change. Beg, borrow, plead, sell car title and receive an additional 35 cents. Purchase Mt. Dew. Feel guilty. Consume Mt. Dew. Feel better.

Day 4: Cry uncontrollably until the locks are taken off of the fridge. Explain why the family heirlooms were pawned. Feel guilty. Consume Mt. Dew. Feel better.

...Lesson learned.