valentines gift ideas to win her over
#1... A three day old, half eaten donut with the filling squeezed out.
To me this says: Hey beautiful, even though life has encrusted you with a hardened shell and pulled the goodness from within you... I'd still eat you.
#2... A neon green, plastic ring adorned with some sort of rock candy.
To me this says: I dug deep into my pockets to buy you this wonderful gift that's as cheap and tacky as you are, and even after I've chewed up the sweetness about you, you're still colorful.
#3... A small crystal glass that used to be a candle holder.
To me this says: Now that our flame has vanished into the air you appear to be empty inside, but at least you still smell good.
#4... A three foot, hand crafted, pink macaroni heart.
To me this says: Even though we're broke because you won't stop buying shoes... I still love you. Put this in water for 20 minutes and we'll have a fine, romantic dinner for two.
#5... The MEGA Rock Ballads cassette.
To me this says: You may be old fashioned with your warped body, latex pant-suits, and your 30 inch bangs of ratted Rave... but I love you for the loose play back you give to me time and time again.
#6... A 13 foot, inflatable cupid to stake in the front yard.
To me this says: Even though a subtle hint of wind can knock us down, and the neighbors can see just how fast I go limp when the lights go off... my love still grows for you every time you turn me on.
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15 comments:
So nice to see a softer side of you.
I know it's hard to believe with the big scary mask i wear, but underneath i'm a fuzzy teddy.
bear.
fuzzy teddy bear.
BWAHAHAHAHA!! That was fucking hilarious!! Any girl would be lucky to have you!
I am all about a rock candy ring!
When I tell people that my husband is really just a big teddy bear, he makes sure to tell them he's a teddy bear death machine...just so they don't think he has a sensitive side or anything like that..LOL
It is just so sad for me that you're taken. So very sad. Time to go cut myself now.
Bee... yeah, most of my attempts at sincerity and romance are laughable.
Nuc... We'd get along great, it's the worthless moments that count.
BG... I have a sensitive side, right after i wax my ass hurts.
Dizzy... sometimes that makes me sad too, can i borrow your razor?
Meg Rock Ballads typically are the answer to all problems.
Grant... you're definitely on to something. Imagine if all the tone deaf assclods of the world suddenly just realized the power they really had in their 8-trac player as they rode around in a 80's model trans am, combed through their curly mullet, and flipped the collar on their stone-washed jean-jacket.
Yeah... the world would be fuckin' perfect! If they just listened to the meaning behind the lyrics... no more statutory date nights.
I don't get all this Valentine's day mush, I really don't. And for that matter, neither does my inflatable lover, "piggy".
PG... piggy sounds like a nice piece of meat... or vinyl.. whatever.
Sheesh, what kind of high maintenance girls are you with, anyway?
Rock candy hearts? Macaroni? Just come to bed with your boots on, that's all I asked of my husband this year.
Inflatable cupids. pffft.
WITH your boots on... oh my, i think i'm blushing.
chocolate filled tumors? oh wouldn't we all run to our mammograms if this were the case!
And to come home and find an inflatable cupid? Ultimate romance. Your declaration of how she still turns you on? bottle that aphrodisiac!
I just about fell of my chair, laughing at the cartoon. That's wicked.
BTW, how many friends of yours have had cancer?
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