dude, your SUV
Nothing is better then putting the car in "F" for fly and finding yourself two minutes later stuck behind some pompous prick in a Humvee driving 17 MPH in a 35 zone. Mr. Stock Broking Poser guy bought his H2 three days before the stock market folded over with a mouth full of American ass and a belly full of inflated gasoline prices. Now this douche bag is driving "conservatively" so his 130$ tank of gas will last longer than 8 blocks. His problem is now the worlds problem because there is a 15 car conga line weaving behind him, and yeah, not a one of us can pass because it's 8 in the morning and every transportation vehicle in the state is soaking up the other lane.
Not only is this monstrosity of a vehicle bigger than my own bedroom but it's causing a nasty streak of hyperactive slander. There's only so many times I can shake the living piss out of my steering wheel before I become so agitated I have no other option but smash my forehead into my horn, rev my engine, and pretend I have Tourettes. repeat. repeat. repeat. "BALLS!"
I fucking hate you. I would like to get there, sometime, TODAY. If Mr. Stock Broking Poser has not turned off by the time I reach my destination, I will hate everyone that drives anything bigger than a tennis shoe. People that drive Blazers, Suburbans, or Escalades... yeah, I'll hate you too, just because you're too fucking proud to be seen lugging your shit around in a mini-van.
Oh, and you ass wads that drive your RVs in the FAST lane... go swallow a handful of razor blades and go the fuck away.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
12 comments:
I love these people
I drive a big 4 wheel drive like my ass is on fire. If I wanted to conserve gas, I'd buy japanese
You hit the nail on the head; it's just too bad that the nail wasn't balancing on the jackhole hummer driver's crannium when you hit it. I've taken to leaving notes on hummers I come across in parking lots, they usually say something like, "Good luck invading (insert name of nearby town). I support you in your war effort." Most of them are probably too stupid and self absorbed to get it, but I amuse myself at least.
Damn dude! What I wouldn't give to be a seat-belted passenger in the back seat watching you shake the piss out of your steering wheel!
Moses has water from rocks you have piss from steering wheels.
Nuc! drive it like ya stole it
Mike, at least the hum-dingers are supporting the war, all be it, the wrong side. haha
Bee! I can always count on you to make me feel even worse about my own stupidity. Thanks! haha
Um...O...
Do you still hate me if I bought my huge SUV 10 years ago and it was used then? If so, I will ditch it today and start walking.
Eve
God, we've all been down that same fucking road. Our school zones are 15mph, and still there's some moron who finds a way to hold up a line of cars behind them. Unreal!
So true, except I'm so poor, I have to drive even my SA94TC slowly too to conserve gas...or maybe I just don't want to over-exert her...
You didn't run him off the road? Damn! I'd have paid to see that. BTW, that kind of tourettes is hawt! ;)
OK - Nissan Armada BUT. I drive it fast, so i won't hold you up, bro.
I like to feel like I can squash everybody else. :)
When I get in that situation, I find it best to sit still and recollect my thoughts as such:
"Vidocin...vidocin...and vodka, lots of vodka. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. If that sonofabitch beeps his horn one more time, I'll rip his fucking jaw off and shit down his neck."
Yeah, happy thoughts, happy thoughts.
Hilarious!
Personally, I think it is all a conspiracy. Do you notice that whenever you aren't in a hurry everyone is doing the speed limit or faster? But every time you are hurried or late, that one slow mother fucker hits the road!
Next time let's get together and "conga line" right up his ass! We'll just push him to his next destination. :^)
I suggest you get your own back. When I have a performance car (whatever) being driven by some moron I like to slow down, just for a few minutes.
Their irritation is wonderful.
Post a Comment