I have a theory and I'll get to that in just a moment, but I gotta start this with a little known fact about myself, ready?

I'm obsessed with my own death.

So much, in fact, that I'm damn near perverse in my conversations concerning fatalities, mutilations, and run of the mill accidents. I've often wondered how I'll die. Will it be one of those boring "suffered long enough and passed away during the night" sort of things?

Or it could be kick ass... one of those eye popping "senior citizen dies choking on soft serve. 86 year old of North Dakota died after robbing the local Dairy Queen, injuring one zit faced punk and mocking 4 others."

Knowing me I won't have a choice in the matter and I'll be taken out by some drunken fool as I step out of Wal-Mart. I can see the front page photo as I lay smeared across the crosswalk, toilet paper in hand. Bastard!

I believe that boredom is the leading cause of death in the world and I have superficial evidence and stool samples to prove it! So get ready for the truth to be unveiled in one giant sweeping motion. Actually, I've never been able to do that whole table cloth trick without breaking the salt n pepper shakers... but who cares? Moving on.

At this very second there have been close to 45,000,000 deaths in the world this year.
79% of which can be related directly to boredom, 20% are accumulated through stupidity, and the other 1% are all freak fucking accidental.

2,433,439 STD/HIV/AIDS related deaths, and well... I know if my mind is not occupied the first thing I think about is sex. Therefor, if there is nothing to entertain me, and I don't happen to have a special someone at home who shares the same affliction from boredom as I do, i'll become a statistic of sexually related deaths.

981,432 current deaths are related to tropical diseases/malaria/dengue fever. I live in North Dakota. Obviously this is boring enough, and if I had the proper travel identification and enough money... you can bet your ass i'd be on flight to some other country to see things I've never imagined, and maybe also for some sexual related attention as well. Hey, African tribes have hookers too! and their so emaciated they look just like runway models... how can it get any sexier?

24,000,087 deaths can be tied into health problems. Cardiovascular, respiratory, liver failure, etc. etc... If I happen to love McDonald's and I had nothing to do at home/work/where ever... I just might walk/drive/skip my merry ass on over to grab a big mac every day or so. Why not? Not like I have anything better to do.

Deaths by injury? 4,044,860 give or take a few obviously can be related to drownings, poisonings, car accidents, violence, war, suicides and other retarded things like falls. These are all what I would call statistics for stupidity. Why did you wreck your car into a bridge? oh, because you mistook your car for a phone booth... I get it, I get it... no, do not confuse this with boredom. Falling off a house because you drank 13 beers and then decided how cool it would be to use the rain gutters as skis does not count as boredom. Most of these fall into the stupidity class... and the poor 1% of unsuspecting victims usually are taken out by these guys that suffer from stupidity.

There you have it! My theory on how boredom kills... so for the remaining 6,695,668,359 people living in the world... stay sharp, blog for fucks sake... something.

...by the way, in case anyone really gives a shit where I got half of those numbers that are somewhat accurate ...check out the world clock, and find out for yourself what's going on.
oh yeah... and visit humorbloggers for funny stuff that I can't write.