P.E.H.S. - the verbal strain
I'm going to touch on the subject of P.E.H.S., also more commonly known as “Product Evoking Horn-dog Syndrome." I was diagnosed recently with the help of a friend, and I would like to share some of the details of my demise. (By the way, P.E.H.S. is a great article, if you feel at all lost, take a moment to laugh your ass off at Angie's place.)
Test: Divide and conquer strategies through the eyes of P.E.H.S. victim.
Application: Conversation
Data: All lies, well... maybe not completely fabricated.
statement = Will you give me a back rub?
response = 90% of all back rubs lead to sex...
result = smirk, eye roll.
conclusion = fail.
statement = I missed that appointment.
response = That's okay, I can examine you here.
result = sigh, eye roll.
conclusion = fail.
statement = I have to get that cavity filled tomorrow.
response = Why wait, I'll fill it for you now..
result = smirk, sigh.
conclusion = fail.
statement = I don't feel good.
response = Let me be the judge of that.
result = head shake, eye roll.
conclusion = fail.
statement = I have a headache...
response = You know what's me-dick-ally proven to cure headaches, don't you?
result = eye roll.
conclusion = fail.
statement = There's nothing to watch on TV tonight...
response = So shut if off, and you can watch me on you tonight.
result = head shake.
conclusion = fail.
statement = I'm bored...
response = I've got something to entertain you with.
result = eye roll, sigh.
conclusion = fail.
statement = I don't know what to make for dinner.
response = Tube steak, smothered in...
result = "Shut up!"
conclusion = fail.
statement = It's hot in here!
response = Take your clothes off...
result = sigh, eye roll.
conclusion = fail.
statement = What kind of meat are you going to need?
response = Sweater meat.
result = "Shut up!, How come you just can't be serious for once?"
conclusion = fail.
Final Analysis of divide and conquer:
Conversation with the enemy = 100% fail rate
For more information about this serious illness, please click this link. Donations are also accepted in forms of cash or advice.
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7 comments:
Damn!
How about when a woman bends over to pick up her shoes?? The man has to come over and dry hump her ass.
I like to do that while she's brushing her teeth...
but this is only the verbal side of my affliction... haha
Rohypnol works.
omfg...
this sounds so much like my bf its creepy
Gotta give you credit for trying!
statement = Orion has P.E.H.S.the verbal strain
response = That's okay, I think i have something here to keep his mouth busy
result = sigh, eye roll.
conclusion = fail.
Can women be afflicted with this?
Sadly I have said several of those things (to men) and had the same result.
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