I am sorry. I really am, and I'm almost positive I'll be struck dead by lightening shortly after posting this, but I can't stand it.

I cannot stand when I'm sitting across the room, isle, or table from some goofy ass slob that has emerged from puberty with only three good teeth. What the ...? Are you boycotting the dental industry? Get dentures... Go Poligrip!! or Go Home!!

My skin crawls. My eyes water in pain. And what the fuck have you been doing your whole life Snaggletooth? Chewing on coffee cups? Are those ceramic shards jutting out of your jaws?

Keep your mouth shut. If it looks like someone tried to decoupage a handful of rotted Chiclets in your face with a black permanent marker and a wad of previously chewed gum, I do not want you smiling at me. I don't give a rats ass how sweet you are or how rough your life has been, fix your face.

I'm not mean, I'm honest. I'm also shallow, so if you've got a mouth full of brown tipped, busted, or crooked teeth, I don't want to be friends. I don't care if you were playmate last December, if your mouth opens up and reveals a cavern full of overlapping whites, I'll take my happy ass home.

So, you out there with the hole in your smile...
You and your three teeth need to go the fuck away.